There is a word that echoes through the halls of every tech company I have ever worked with. It appears in performance reviews, it shines in job descriptions, and it is worn as a badge of honor by burned-out Product Managers.
That word is Resilience.
And honestly? [cite_start]It really pisses me off[cite: 74].
[cite_start]We use "Resilience" to express our ability to "accept" and "deal" with difficult situations without "breaking"[cite: 74]. We treat it as a virtue. But in the modern product organization, requiring high levels of resilience from your team is often not a sign of strength. It is a sign that your system is broken.
If you are leading a team that constantly needs to be resilient, you are not leading a special forces unit; you are leading a trauma ward.
We Are Not Machines
Alex, let’s be honest about the expectations we place on ourselves and our teams. We operate under the delusion that we can maintain peak output regardless of the input. [cite_start]But we are organic matter and energy[cite: 75]. [cite_start]We are not machines, or at best, we are defective machines[cite: 99].
[cite_start]When we learn anything, we change; when we leave a traumatic experience, or when someone "steals our strength," we are fundamentally altered[cite: 75]. [cite_start]Daily imperfection and energetic inconstancy are what make us unique[cite: 98].
[cite_start]Yet, an overwhelming number of companies still cultivate a toxic culture of culpability[cite: 78]. [cite_start]This culture creates and fosters an environment of fear, insecurity, and unfair competition between teams and colleagues[cite: 79]. When a release goes wrong or a metric is missed, we look for someone to blame. And when the pressure mounts, we tell the team to "be resilient."
We are telling them to endure a hostile environment rather than fixing the environment itself.
The Laboratory Fallacy
[cite_start]One of our biggest challenges as leaders is decision-making, and even more remarkable is the pressure for the right, perfect decision[cite: 77]. [cite_start]But we need to learn that there are no perfect decisions[cite: 81].
Why? [cite_start]Because it is impossible to control all the problem variables[cite: 82].
Consider a laboratory procedure. [cite_start]For a result to be perfect, a laboratory must have temperature controlled, lighting controlled, humidity controlled, and equipment and supplies controlled[cite: 84, 85, 86, 88]. [cite_start]It requires an activity record and trained, certified personnel[cite: 89, 90].
Looking at all these variables, is it possible to say that even all the tests’ results will be perfect? [cite_start]No[cite: 91]. [cite_start]Even a trained, certified professional is liable to failure due to distraction or emotional imbalance[cite: 93, 94].
Now, look at your product organization. Do you have controlled "humidity" (team morale)? Do you have controlled "equipment" (tech stack)? Do you have controlled "variables" (market conditions)?
Of course not. The variables are chaotic. [cite_start]Yet, when failure happens, we mark it as a lack of professionalism[cite: 95]. We demand perfection in an uncontrolled environment. This is insanity.
The Warrior Trap
I know why we do this. I did it for years.
[cite_start]For a long time in my professional life, I embodied the Warrior archetype[cite: 529]. [cite_start]I was ambitious and driven, and I saw the world as a battlefield where I had to fight every inch to achieve my goals[cite: 530]. [cite_start]I worked long hours, took risks, and was fiercely competitive[cite: 531].
[cite_start]I won more battles than I lost[cite: 532]. I wore my resilience like armor. I thought that surviving the chaos proved I was a good leader.
[cite_start]But as I grew older, I realized the Warrior archetype was not enough[cite: 534]. In fact, it was damaging. The Warrior mindset treats every systemic failure as a personal challenge to be overcome by brute force. It prevents us from fixing the root cause because we are too busy glorying in the fight.
[cite_start]I had to transition to the Wiser[cite: 508]. [cite_start]The Wiser understands that success is not just about winning battles but building relationships and reflecting on actions[cite: 541]. [cite_start]This transition was painful; the Warrior inside me did not want to give the Wiser space[cite: 536].
But the Wiser asks a different question: Why do we have to fight this battle at all?
From Resilience to Variable Control
So, how do we move from a culture of "resilience" (surviving the crash) to a culture of "antifragility" (preventing the crash)?
It starts with how we process our decisions and our failures.
1. The "Need" vs. "Want" Retrospective
[cite_start]If you are suffering to make a decision, you are probably doing it wrong[cite: 69]. [cite_start]The first step in improving is to analyze the latest decisions you made[cite: 102].
I established a habit of a weekly retrospective where I answer two questions about every decision:
- •[cite_start]What problem did I want to solve with this decision? [cite: 105]
- •[cite_start]What problem did I need to solve with this decision? [cite: 106]
[cite_start]They look the same, but when analyzed through the "I want" and "I need" prism, you often find very different answers[cite: 107]. "Wanting" comes from the Warrior—ego, vanity, speed. "Needing" comes from the Wiser—strategy, sustainability, reality.
2. The Sphere of Control
When your team faces a crisis, do not ask them to "push through." [cite_start]Sit down and list the variables of the problem[cite: 108]. Identify which of those variables you could:
- •[cite_start]Control: Those you have direct control over[cite: 109].
- •[cite_start]Influence: Those you can influence the outcome of[cite: 110].
- •[cite_start]Monitor: Those out of your control range but affect your decision[cite: 111].
[cite_start]The key to the process is to identify, categorize, measure, and monitor these variables[cite: 126]. [cite_start]Don't measure everything, do it only for the key variables[cite: 127].
If you find that your team is constantly battling variables they can only monitor but are expected to control, you have a structural problem, not a personnel problem.
The Leader’s Responsibility
Alex, we are organic. [cite_start]We deal with problems inside and outside the work environment, and it moves us every day[cite: 97].
[cite_start]The pressure for perfection leads us to a continuous search without meaning[cite: 100]. If you want to be an AI-fluent strategist, you must stop treating your humans like algorithms.
Algorithms are resilient; they don't care if you run them 24/7. Humans break.
Your job is not to inspire resilience. Your job is to design a system where resilience is rarely required. [cite_start]You must accept that you did the best you could at that moment[cite: 115]. You must build a "laboratory" where the temperature is controlled enough that your people can fail without exploding.
[cite_start]The most powerful influence you can have is not trying to influence someone[cite: 266]. It is creating a space where they don't have to fight to survive.
Stop being the Warrior. Be the Wiser.
